


Hiding

by EponineFaye



Category: Chenzel - Fandom, Real Person Fiction, Wicked RPF
Genre: :P, Angst, F/F, Gen, Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, Nakedness, i never know what to tag, you guys decide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-25
Updated: 2014-03-25
Packaged: 2018-01-17 00:10:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1366777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EponineFaye/pseuds/EponineFaye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt from Tumblr: "They were secretly dubbed the "Great American Tragedy of Broadway" because of the way they broke up. But really they just got better at hiding it." Sort of stayed with that idea. More of my own creative input. I do not own these women's lives, and I'm not saying it happened this way, but I have freedom of speech, so suck it. You are loved. (Most of you.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hiding

At first it was funny - it was fun.

Sneaking around behind closed doors, Kristin didn’t like that she was married, but loving Idina made the rest go by the waist side. And they wouldn’t be going behind someone’s back forever. Right? It was temporary. It was only for the time being.  
  
"We haven’t confirmed or denied anything - no one really knows."  
  
Kristin rolled her eyes. “Everyone knows. No matter how hard we try to let it roll off our backs, they catch everything we say.” She pushed the power button on her monitor and sat on the desk. “They all know, and Taye is going to start asking questions if it gets any bigger.”  
  
"So?"  
  
She just shifted her look to the obvious ‘really’ she didn’t need to verbalize.  
  
"I don’t care if he knows."  
  
"Yes you do." Kristin slid off the edge of the desk and perched herself on Idina’s lap. "And I know you need time to figure out the separation, and I’m fine with waiting." She smiled before placing a small kiss on her lips. "But if you want this to go smoothly we need to keep us under wraps for the time being."  
  
Idina’s shoulders slumped. “I don’t like that.”  
  
"I know."  
  
She pulled Kristin closer, her hands firmly on either of the tiny hips. She just looked at her hands resting there and then followed them up to her waist as she moved them. “Not for very long, right?”  
  
Kristin shook her head. “Of course not - as soon as you and Taye are done, with all the papers signed, then we’re golden. We can be just as public as you want to be.” She pushed wild strands of hair away from Idina’s face. “I just don’t want it to be messy and stressful for you.”  
  
"It’s gunna be anyway." Idina let her head droop to the other woman’s collar bone. "That man loves me too much. He’s not going to let me go without a fight."  
  
Kristin took Idina’s jaw into her palms. “Neither will I.”  
  
But a year passed.  
  
Then two.  
  
And nothing changed. Kristin began doubting their relationship altogether and Idina stopped looking her in the eye when they talked about the future. Secret nights and lonely mornings - making sure everyone else thought they were fighting, until the fights were real.  
  
"I can’t do this." Kristin shook her head.  
  
Idina stayed quiet, looking at her script.  
  
The blonde swatted it to the floor but Idina only flinched and shut her eyes to the whole situation, her hands balling themselves into fists.  
  
"You can’t just do this to me - I’m nothing but understanding and you’re walking all over me!"  
  
"Stop yelling." Idina got up and started organizing her script again.  
  
Kristin kept pushing them out of the way with her boot. “Then stop avoiding what’s happening in our lives! You’re not doing anything - you just sit with me on one arm and your husband on the other.”  
  
"This is what YOU wanted, baby!" Idina stood up, looming over her with the sarcasm thick on her tongue. "You wanted to hide, so we’re hiding! We’re a secret from the world so fucking enjoy it."  
  
The blonde’s eyes grew wide, not wanting to believe what she was hearing. “I said that we would stay discrete until you were brave enough leave, Idina. I didn’t want to be your mistress.”  
  
"What if I’m not?" Idina walked back to her chair, gripping the back of it tight.  
  
"Not what?"  
  
"Not brave enough to leave? What if I’ll always be a coward?" She shrugged. "What if I’m never able to gather up the courage to leave him? Would you still love me then?! Or am I only worthy of that if I’m just yours."  
  
Horrible beats of silence echoed through the room as Kristin grasped at words that didn’t seem like enough to express what she actually felt.  
  
Idina took a breath and lowered her volume. “I love him.” She stared at her hands, the white on her knuckles and how hard it was to keep them that way. “He’s been there through hell and  
  
back and I don’t know if I know how to be without him.”  
  
"Could you be without me?"  
  
She looked up at the tiny blonde. It looked like she was holding her breath and trying with everything she had not to cry. So Idina shook her head, half out of guilt and half from the truth.  
  
"I love you, too."  
  
"You can’t have us both, Dee." She tried to gulp away the knot in her throat but it didn’t work.  
  
The brunette sighed, holding her hair off of her neck with one hand and keeping herself stable with the other. “I know that…”  
  
Kristin waited before crossing the room, standing directly in front of the woman she’d come to care about more than she wanted to, trying to catch a gaze that was firmly planted on the other wall. So she grabbed Idina’s face, forcing her to look back, but she did so with the edges of her mouth down turned and her eyes still far away. “I want us.” She kissed her like she couldn’t live without her, though she wasn’t sure she could, the notion and reasoning were the same. She pulled away with tears in her eyes. “You have two weeks to do something or I’m leaving.”  
  
And there was Idina - present and with pure shock splattered on her face like egg.  
  
It was all Kristin needed to walk out of the room and find the nearest Starbucks to calm her in whatever little way it could.  
  
By week one Idina had the separation papers drawn up - that bought her an extra week to have her husband sign them. And by week five he actually did.  
  
They’d agree to do it quietly, and act like nothing was wrong.  
  
"I’m proud of you." Kristin smiled over her mug.  
  
Idina smiled back but said nothing, instead turning back to her paper.  
  
The blonde scoots closer and leans her head on Idina’s shoulder. “I know it took a lot.”  
  
"It would take more to lose you."  
  
Kristin smiled, feeling more at home than she ever remembered she had.  
  
Days passed that way - falling asleep to reruns of bad TV and waking up in each other’s arms. Months led to more and more of Idina’s clothes ending up taking drawers in Kristin’s apartment, and carpooling to rehearsal and cleaning each other’s makeup off when they got home. They started calling that shoe box a home, and it felt like one.  
  
Then Taye signed on to be Fiyero.  
  
"Nothing’s happening."  
  
"He wants you back."  
  
"Of course he does."  
  
Kristin just shook her head and kept making their dinner. “Does he still think it’s only a separation.”  
  
"I don’t know, Kristin. I haven’t spoken to him in over a month."  
  
"Did you bring anything up about it being permanent?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Idina!" She whipped around. "This isn’t something you can just cross your fingers and hope it turns out the way you want it to. You have to tell him, or he’s going to come back expecting to talk things out and have you back."  
  
"He’s still my husband, and he loves me, and whether you want to see it or not, a part of me will always love him." Idina took a heavy sigh before rubbing her eyes. "I don’t know how I’m going to break his heart like this."  
  
"Do you want to be with me over him?"  
  
The brunette looked up, suddenly feeling anger prickle at her skin. “I’m here, aren’t I?”  
  
"That’s not what I asked."  
  
"Fuck it." She got up and looked for her jacket and her keys.  
  
Kristin followed her out of the kitchen. “What are you doing?”  
  
"I’m going to my fucking apartment!" She yelled from the hall closet. "If you’re just going to keep on my ass then I’m going to think about it somewhere else."  
  
"What’s there to think about, Dee?" She blocked the way back to the front door.  
  
"Let me by."  
  
"I don’t want you to leave."  
  
"Then stop pushing me away."  
  
Kristin looked up at her, not knowing where she was. Loving her was like commiting to insecurity.  
  
After a few moments of silence she just hugged the taller woman, careful not to move too fast and scare her away. “I don’t want you to go.”  
  
Idina hugged her back and kissed her temple before pulling back and meeting her eye. “I think we could use the time apart.”  
  
And Kristin knew what would happen, though she did her best not to believe it. She pretended Idina was just at her apartment for the next few nights. But Taye started showing up to rehearsals and the looks he and Idina passed each other was something she couldn’t avoid.  
  
But Idina still came over every now and again. The only difference was Kristin didn’t know how to say no - somehow she understood this was the only way she’d have her, and having part of her was better than feeling completely miserable without her.  
  
Even after Norbert came back, one stolen night blurred into the next and before long they were back at square one. Though Kristin didn’t hope anymore. She’d gotten used to being used without apology. She stopped asking questions and let the future play out as it would. Loving someone who didn’t know how to choose was something that she’d come to appreciate if only because it was Idina. If it had been anyone else she probably would have moved on.  
  
Months drug on before contracts came up. And on instinct alone she refused to sign. It wasn’t until she got back to her apartment that she realized she wasn’t going to do the show anymore - that her days were officially numbered and she would look for something else.  
  
That she was leaving Idina behind.  
  
And Idina was blissfully unaware for three days, until word started to spread. Everyone came to ask their questions, though no one asked the one they all knew to be true.  
  
She’d gone back to her dressing room alone after bows - not bothering to talk to anyone after she didn’t have to smile for the crowd. Fake lashes were peeled and bronzer cheek bones wiped off as long sighs of defeat released themselves from her lungs.  
  
And all of the sudden the door is swung wide open before it’s slammed shut.  
  
"Why didn’t you tell me?"  
  
Kristin didn’t even bother looking back at her. “You didn’t ask.” She said quietly.  
  
"I would think you’d tell me something like that." The terror in her voice was almost masked by what Idina hoped sounded like anger.  
  
The blonde kept taking off her makeup as if the painted woman weren’t even in the room.  
  
So Idina flipped over a chair before screaming and knocking every bit of makeup to the ground. Kristin moved against the wall, hand over her mouth as she stared in shock at Idina crying and ruining things.  
  
It was only moments later Idina broke down - crying streaks in the green and sobbing against the door.  
  
Neither moved for long, painful minutes. And even when Kristin regained the composure to animate her body she just started picking up the things that had been scattered on the ground silently.  
  
"Do you still love me?" Idina’s voice broke through the hard tension in the room.  
  
Kristin finally stopped and looked at her, face set in the complacent sorrow it had adopted for weeks. “I couldn’t not love you.” She shook her head. “I’ve just realized you’ll never love me back in the way I need you to.”  
  
Her words spoke more truth than she knew she’d recognized.  
  
Idina scooted closer. “Don’t say that - I need you, Kristin. You can’t go!”  
  
Her eyes started watering without her permission. She leaned in slowly and whispered with the most sincerity she knew how to give. “You don’t need me.” She kissed the brunette softly and stayed where their lips almost touched. “But I need you.. and that’s why I have to.”  
  
The embrace that followed felt like it took all of their energy. And even though the end was coming, there was no end in sight. Idina slept over the night of her last performance. Kristin sneaks into Idina’s home when Taye’s away. They meet up in random cities when they can. Words like ‘I love you’ are still exchanged, but quietly like the other can’t hear. Sadness wears on thier faces and years build up until they barely speak about anything other than the next time they meet.  
  
Kristin avoids all contact as soon as Idina tells her she’s pregnant. All contact stops.  
  
When the baby is born she gets the first call, but she can’t answer.  
  
It would be more than a year before they saw each other again, and they pretended it was yesterday, and fell back into the same routine. They didn’t talk about Walker or Taye, and Kristin didn’t mention the occasional random brunette she’d sneak away with, but Idina didn’t ask - not that she needed to. How could she expect Kristin to be faithful if that wasn’t even a facet of their relationship at all anymore?  
  
Kristin got used to avoiding her breasts to avoid the feeding conversation, if not for obvious reasons then to save herself the pain of acknowledging that she wouldn’t ever have a baby with the only person she wanted to make a life with.  
  
Soon, all real communication was done over email - when they’d see each other next, what projects they were working on, and where they’d meet. All that meetings held for them was cold hotel rooms under false names. They hardly said anything before ripping clothing from adjacent bodies and kissing each others lips raw. Then Kristin would sleep, knowing Idina would be gone by the time she woke up. She stopped looking to see if she’d gone because that was always the case - it only hurt her to entertain the idea that she’d stay longer than it took her to take another small piece of the blondes soul and store it away.  
  
Until Kristin didn’t sleep. Not when she was with Idina - she needed to hear her go.  
  
The brunette got up and retreated into the bathroom with her clothes when it felt like they’d been still long enough, and Kristin sat up, not bothering to cover herself with the sheet.  
  
By the time Idina came out of the bathroom she was dressed again. She looked over and Kristin could see the surprise written all over her face. But she didn’t say anything. What could she say?  
  
The blonde just gave her a once over before putting her own clothing back on and walking past the woman who carried all of her heart without a word or a gesture. She just left.  
  
After that the emails stopped. Kristin just stopped answering. Their meetings stopped being worth it a long time ago and it was taking more out of her than it was giving her anymore. The pain that resided in her chest just sat with her heavily everywhere she went.  
  
And then the painful reminder - ten years.  
  
It had been a decade since it had all started. More than that, technically. She had an obligation to her fans to go, but another one to herself to try and end whatever torture she’d been confortable putting herself through all these years.  
  
She was just happy Joel was there all through the shoot, so she had ammunition to put on her happy face and show him she was fine. Of course he didn’t bat an eye and hugged his girls before he was off, leaving her with the one person she didn’t know how to talk to anymore.  
  
Once the dressing room door was closed smiles were exchanged, but not the ones that were once so hopeful and genuine toward each other. These ones were tired, and Idina’s was more apologetic than anything.  
  
"How’ve you been?" She asked, playing with her fingernails.  
  
Kristin shrugged. “Tired.” She put her phone down and intertwined her fingers in her lap. “Getting old and finding fun little pieces of work to keep me busy.”  
  
Idina sat in the makeup artists chair, only making eye contact through the mirror. “I miss you.”  
  
Kristin just hung her head.  
  
"I do."  
  
"It’s only been a few months - we’ve gone longer than that."  
  
"But I always HEAR from you, ya know? I was worried.."  
  
She shook her head.  
  
"What?"  
  
Kristin had no words. Her head just swiveled as she shrugged.  
  
"I can’t worry about you?"  
  
She laughed a humorless sort of laugh. “We’re having an affair, Idina.”  
  
"Don’t call it that…"  
  
"That’s what it is! This isn’t a relationship and it’s not a commitment. I’m sure at one point we thought it was, but it’s not anymore. We’re two people who go and have sex every now and again because it reminds us of something we aren’t. You don’t know anything about my life and I avoid hearing about yours at all costs." She tried to push away the tears she felt coming on. "You don’t have any obligation to worry about me. You don’t have to feel guilt, because whatever is between us now doesn’t call for that sort of thing."  
  
This time Idina hung her head, jutting her jaw out like she was chewing over words she didn’t know how to put together.  
  
Kristin let her back hit the wall, crossing her arms over her chest. “I think we should end this while we’re behind.”  
  
At that her head snapped up. “No. I don’t want to do that.”  
  
"I do." Kristin looked right into her eyes. "I’m done feeling like this." Tears took over her vision before she had a chance to close her eyes. "I’ve loved you for so long not knowing why… hoping against hell and high water that you’d just feel it one day and be with me, but it’s never going to happen." She tilted her head up and tried her hardest not to let the sobbing start that she could already feel building inside.  
  
Idina rushed over and enveloped the smaller woman in the strongest embrace she knew how to give, pulling their bodies flush together, and needing her to feel the same thing she did. “I can’t live without you.”  
  
Kristin’s arms were in between them, protecting herself as the crying finally started. “You’ve been doing it for years, Idina - this isn’t me.”  
  
She pulled back. “I need you - I’ve always needed you, and I won’t let-“  
  
"You broke me. You’ve broken everything I thought I was and I feel like I’m just walking around an empty, hopeless version of the person I was." She took a moment to break down, allowing the tears she’d denied to fall as they may. "I’ll always be in love with you, but I want to be happy again. I want to know what happy feels like! I can’t feel anything other than this horrible heartache that’s living without you."  
  
"Kris.."  
  
"I can’t do it anymore." She said wiping her face. "It’s killing me. I’m done."  
  
Idina struggled through a few strangled breaths before stomping out of the room with tears brimming her eyes.  
  
Kristin forgot how long she sat in that room and cried. She didn’t do anything with the rest of the day but filter out all of the memories and zone out to the sound of the tv in the background.  
  
But she promised herself just that day. Then she signed on to as many things as she could and told her agent just to keep throwing them at her - whatever sounded good and would keep her busy, that’s what she wanted. And that’s what she got. More on her plate than she could possibly handle if she didn’t absolutely need the distraction.  
  


* * *

  
She’d heard the announcement, but nothing from Idina.  
  
The fact she was getting a divorce wasn’t as surprising as it was that she wasn’t serving it up on a silver platter with roses as bait to try and win her back. Maybe it wasn’t for her.  
  
Kristin willed herself not to think about it, but it was constantly on her mind. Where Idina was, who she was with, if she was alright, and if anything she did would ever make sense. It wasn’t until the Oscars she saw her again, and she didn’t really see her - everyone did. She was just one of the faces in the audience, and she didn’t dare differentiate herself from that.  
  
But a week later, there was still no word.  
  
A month passed and nothing happened. She was buried in work and suffocated by the thought of being left behind, even though that’s what she was so sure she wanted.  
  
Finally an email.  
  
I want to see you. Please.  
  
And of course she had to agree.  
  


* * *

 

  
They met at a small restaurant outside the city - some little hole in the wall Idina said she’d been coming to for a little while.  
  
She was already waiting there when Kristin walked in. She flashed a huge smile and hugged the tinier woman like a piece of her heart was returned to her.  
  
"Hi." She said, still in the embrace.  
  
Kristin smiled, feeling a shift in the way things were. “Hi there.”  
  
They pulled back, almost going in for a kiss but Kristin pulled away and sat down.  
  
Idina stiffened, but took her seat as well.  
  
"How are you?" She asked, fidgeting slightly.  
  
The blonde shrugged. “Busy. I just finished shooting a movie, and I’m in two others coming up, so.. Just trying to skate by.”  
  
"Are you starring or supporting?"  
  
"Supporting."  
  
Idina frowned slightly.  
  
"I like supporting roles, Idina."  
  
"I know…" She took a sip of her water. "You know I’ve always thought you deserved more."  
  
"I like them."  
  
The waitress came by and took their orders, and after she left the uncomfortable silence came and stilled the air around them until Idina scooted forward, resting her elbows on the table.  
  
"I left him." She said a little quieter.  
  
Kristin just nodded.  
  
Idina looked nervously from the big blue eyes she’d come to know so well to the napkin at her right, deciding that was a better target for her words. “You know that day when we were in  
  
rehearsals and Joe kept yelling at everyone.. then he just started yelling at me?”  
  
"Because none of us were in the mood to re-block a scene and you were being stubborn." Kristin couldn’t help but smile.  
  
"But you stood up for me."  
  
She sat there looking at the brunette, wishing she knew what went on in that head of hers.  
  
After a few beats of stagnant silence Kristin spoke again. “I stood up for a lot of people.”  
  
"But me in particular."  
  
The blonde only gave a tight-lipped stare.  
  
Idina put her hands on her face, first the back then the palm like she was trying to cool her cheeks. “I left him for you,” She exhaled a shaky breath. “But I wanted to wait until everything was finalized to tell you.” There was a short nod before she fixed her shirt collar. “I thought it would mean more that way. You know - if I showed you I was doing something, proved it before I promised you something else.”  
  
"It does mean more to me." She said, blankly.  
  
Idina could only offer a nervous smile in return.  
  
"Is that why you asked me here? Is everything finalized."  
  
She nodded, letting a true smile crease her face. “All the paperwork is in order - we’re signing it tomorrow with the lawyers, and it’ll be done.”  
  
A smile inched itself on to Kristin’s face as well as she played with her napkin.  
  
Idina’s hand stopped her. She looked up as the other woman intertwined their fingers.  
  
"Do you still want to be with me?"  
  
Kristin nodded, not missing a beat.  
  
The other woman laughed like she could cry, then brought Kristin’s hand to her lips and held it there for a moment before resting her cheek on it. “I think it’s about time you meet Walker.”  
  


* * *

  
"Baby?" Idina walked in the front door, barely being able to carry all of the groceries. "Hey! A little help?" She yelled through the house, setting the majority of the  
  
Kristin walked out in her favorite black stilettos.  
  
Just the stilettos.  
  
A few heated seconds later Idina was able to process a garter as well, but slack-jawed as she was, she couldn’t bring herself to say anything. She just continued to stand in the middle of all of the plastic bags grouping Kristin with her eyes.  
  
"How was shopping?" She batted her eye lashes.  
  
"Hu.. bum-boring." She nodded, finding a smirk to put on. "Where’s Walker?"  
  
"With my mom." She said turning and perching herself on the arm of the couch. "Until tomorrow when we pick him up."  
  
Idina stepped over the groceries and removed her jacket in one fell swoop, before crossing the living room and picking the tiny blonde up so that her hands were propping a thigh on either side of her waist.  
  
Kristin giggled as kisses trailed down her neck and Idina fumbled her way to the bedroom. Her back hit the comforter and she had to resist with everything she had not to rip every article of clothing off of the taller woman. She stopped the brunette’s hands, and grinned. “I have another surprise..”  
  
"More than having the house to ourselves, and this?"  
  
She nodded, then kissed Idina over and over again, flipping them over so she was straddling her hips. Kristin kept distracting her with kisses as a hand reached up and pulled the paperwork from under one of the pillows. She sat up abruptly, holding the papers in front of her giant smile.  
  
Idina propped herself up on her elbows, but before she could read all of it, Kristin kissed her again, then looked into her eyes trying not to cry. “We’re getting a baby.”  
  
Her face dropped. “I thought they said it would take at least another year.”  
  
"I know!" Her shaking was parent now. "But they called yesterday and said there was a baby who needed a home immediately, and we’re getting her! It’s a girl - we’re getting a baby girl, Idina."  
  
"We’re getting a baby!"  
  
"We have a baby." Kristin burst into happy tears, laughing and sobbing at the same time.  
  
Idina wrapped the smaller woman up in her arms and kissed her forehead. “Hey, hey, hey…” she soothed quietly. Kristin looked up at her, still laughing and trying to wipe tears away. “I love you.”  
  
Kristin met Idina’s lips again. “I love you, too.” She rested her forehead against Idina’s feeling the wholeness seep in - their little family, in their little house, being completed. Her cheeks hurt from grinning. “Walker’s going to be a big brother!”  
  
"About damn time - Five years old, kid needs someone to torment."  
  
Kristin smacked her arm playfully. “He will not! He’ll love her and protect her, and kick some ass if she’s ever teased.”  
  
They just looked at each other for a long moment, smiling, reveling in what they’d created.  
  
"Are you happy, Mrs. Menzel?"  
  
The tiny blonde woman laughed some more tears and tossed her head up and down, knowing her words would fail her.  
  
Idina giggled at the happy hysterics, then kissed Kristin softly and slowly, hugging her to the front of her blouse before rolling over and kicking her shoes off as Kristin started to unbutton the front of her shirt….


End file.
